strange9to9

 Someone offered to look after Henry! Thank you thank you thank you cmot_dribbler !


This little guy thanks you too.

( bleh )</div>

 

 

(  I'm bored survey. )

  Eek I think I opened too big of a 'can of worms'.
 I hate second guessing myself, it's very annoying..
 If I hadn't said anything though, nothing would have been said and keeping it inside would bother me more. 

That is what I have to remind myself.  

 
 I'm starting to think I'm way too sensitive. I find it hard to not want to stick up for animals and most kinds of underdogs though... 
I'm going to have a long hot shower and maybe watch some House after before bed. I don't have to wake up until noon tomorrow at least, yay!

( Read vent... )

 

 I just found this- http://www.audiomastermind.us/2005/08/23/noise-making-cd-to-take-revenge-on-noisy-neighbors-available/  - I want to order one. So funny! If my shitty neighbors get any worse I could use it for a little fun.

 Only you are in control of your destiny(and actions). 
 Anything else would be an excuse. 
 No one makes someone act in a certain way or to say a certain thing. You choose to do it, regardless of genes or personal makeup or the way someone was treated as a child. If I was to act on how I was treated growing up I'd be a complete jerk probably. But you stay strong and deal with it. If you want friendship and love to stay in your life you have to deal with whatever happened in the past if it's still effecting your life and move on. Maybe this sounds a little harsh.
 But in the end this is what I believe to be the truth. 

 

 

 I need to vent but no words will come. It is smarter that way I suppose since nothing seems to come out right anyway.  Instead I'll watch The Cleaner and go to bed.  
     

 I wish I was more firmly rooted here. Or somewhere. With someone. My friends are great..
I....I wish something would happen. Just happen. Something good. Although I just got a new job. That is good. I feel good about that. Then what is wrong with me?
 
 I realize things can only get better from here. I realize these are unhealthy feelings of impatience. At least I have something. I have a lot of good things. I am grateful. It's just hard having zero family here and not even living with someone yet. I used to ignore these feelings -or maybe I just didn't care as much, but I'm really noticing this weird sort of feeling of displacement lately.

 I really really miss my family. My Mom called and she sounds so sad these days. This feeling of longing for them, for her is almost overwhelming tonight.

 I was hoping for a bigger storm today. If you looked up into the clouds some were actually churning in circles. I'm not sure if I've ever seen clouds move that fast before. It made for a more exciting work afternoon so that was nice. My friend was getting a bit worried about it hehe so I made an escape route to the basement(too much stuff to have a clear path anywhere yet). The basement there is so cool! I love old buildings.

 
I really should be sleeping.

 Damn my internet connection. It has been out for three days grr. And damn how I kept most of my phone numbers on here and not on paper. Sorry eat_the_living.


It is my first week at my new job starting today. I finally am done at the other store, they were a long three last days let me tell you.

Last night's Electron was great. I thought it wouldn't be as good cause of other things going on but no, lots of dancing and good music and I was able to forget about life for a couple of hours. The only thing that bugs me is there always seems to be a couple of creeps there without fail. I got to hang out with D too before his date or whatever which was pretty nice, enjoyed myself. It was a good thing I went home when I did, I was so tired at work. I'm going to lay around tonight and watch movies until bed, it will be great as I haven't had a chance to do that in a long time:D

 Today was my first day of my new job. It went well, don't think I'm too worried about catching on or anything like that. It is so so cool being able to just walk down my street to get to and from work now. It is also so cool to have a boss that's actually a long time friend. I would really like to do something nice for him for offering me the job and just for thinking of me. The only thing that's still shitty is that I have to do three more days at my old job before I'm done and it's a little uncomfortable there to say the least since I gave my notice. Bleh. I just have to keep telling myself it's only three days.

 
 Couldn't sleep at all last night and I feel almost sick for it. Been thinking so much and it keeps me awake. How is it when everything seems to be going along smoothly, it all turns to mush as soon as one little thing happens. I can't ever have an off day I suppose. If I'm ever down, all I need is a 'there there dear, everything will be alright', and I'll be fine. When the silences become longer and longer.... Maybe I'm not worth the trouble. I wish I was perfect and didn't have bad days too. I feel like my chest is caving in.

I will do a workout to try to clear my mind and get some caffeine in my system after wards. I can tell today will be a long one. All I want to do is go back to bed..

I'm thinking about going to the turkish festival at Eau Claire Saturday after work if someone wants to go. I couldn't make it last year for some reason but I wanted to. I love looking at all the little things for sale and the food will probably be good. 

I wish the rain and grey had lasted longer. It went by so fast.

Got to see Mogwai last night, it was soo good. The mosquitoes there were unreal though. I have about 25? bites now. I wonder what is wrong with my blood.

This heat is brutal. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the blinding sun that never seems to go away.  I have a sinking feeling it will be like this for the next two months. 


 At least it's supposed to rain this Tuesday and Wednesday. Can't wait!

 
 I feel like I should write something after my last post a few days ago. I can't believe I wrote that, although I meant it. Think it was one of those times when nothing in my life seemed certain and I thought there was no one I could really count on. And I was wrong about the second part.
Things are better this week I have to say. My job situation is changing - will update about that later though. I have mixed emotions, lets just say happiness and relief and major guilt at the same time. I hate guilt - it is the most useless emotion that we have, it does nothing for you and no one really cares or knows your feeling it except for you. Not to say that all our emotions should serve a purpose, it's just irritating that I can't stop it is all. 

I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm scared to go to work tomorrow. I can't figure out whether I should give my notice tomorrow or Friday.... Thinking Friday is better as I won't have to work with an unhappy boss on the weekend as she doesn't work them. Ugh.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?   That I was disappointed the black color I put in my hair has already washed out and how I don't feel like doing it again..but i will dammit.

3. What's a word that rhymes with door? Gore.

4. Favorite planet?: Jupiter.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your phone? Got rid of my cell yet again hehe..

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?: Vibrate.

7. What shirt are you wearing?: Its a black Kids in the Hall tshirt.

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?: I'm wearing black socks right now.

10. Bright or Dark Room?: Dark of course.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? One of the nicest people i know.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching a SNL episode trying to get sleepier, I wasn't feeling well so my stomach was keeping me up.

14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?: been too long and I dont enjoy texting.

15.Where is your letter box? My what?

16. What's a word that you say a lot? 'Hm'. It bugs even me.

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?: S.

18. Last furry thing you touched: Henry.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Caffeine only.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? 1.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 21.

22. Your worst enemy?:My self.

23. What is your current desktop picture? A photo of a fat lumpfish.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly:
Million bucks. I think. Well right now anyways.

26. Do you like someone?: Very much so.

27. Last song you listened to?: A Roy Orbison one. (don't laugh I really like him)

28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet? Yep.

29. If you could punch 1 person in your life right now, who would it be? Anyone who has hurt someone or an animal who never deserved to be hurt. 
Well- animals never deserve to be hurt. People on the other hand...

30. What is the closest object to your left foot? My bum because i'm sitting on my feet.

Did anyone notice the lack of #2, 8, 12 or 24? who cares